WTF?!? Review: Shingeki No Kyojin Episode #5
I TOLD YOU
What is this, I don’t even….how?
Um…how do I go about this? I guess it’s best to start from the beginning. SPOILERS AHEAD!!
Well we continue from Eren’s bad-ass decision to take down Mr. No-Skin the Colossal Titan. Just like in the manga we get plenty of wacky angles with Eren trying to get to the weak-spot of the Titan, which is apparently the back of the neck. He comes to the conclusion that this Titan must be intelligent (!!) as he is targeting the Batteries primarily and such. As if that wasn’t shocking enough, when Eren fails to cut into the Titan and gets blasted with scalding hot steam (because Titans are HOT), the big guy disappears as suddenly as he appeared. Okay…
Now everyone faces a MAJOR problem. There’s a f*cking big hole in the wall, and Titans are gonna arrive any minute. So, naturally, people start to panic. Except for…
Well…it’s not that he isn’t panicking per se, it’s more like he’s panicking for all the wrong reasons. He’s convinced he’s going to die and therefore he can’t go to the safety of the inner walls the next day. MAYBE YOU SHOULD WORRY MORE ABOUT THE TASK AT HAND YOU DICK.
But I still like him. Here’s hoping he doesn’t die…
Also, there’s a guy called Pixis in here somewhere, talking to the King who just seems like a fat bastard.
Anyway, back to Jean-sama. Eren confronts him, insisting that he will survive and..oh..
And when Mikasa tries to convince Eren to call on her if he needs her, even though they are in different squads, she gets…well…this reaction:
Geez Eren, you don’t need to be such an ass…
We get a quick flashback to the kids’ training where we get the whole Titan situation explained, basically the case being that Titans can’t have sex, are virtually invincible except for that spot on the back of their necks, and have no interest in any other living creatures except humans. Oh, and did I mention that they survived for hundreds of years without humans so therefore don’t need them as a source of food, meaning that they hunt them for sport? Yeah.
The Titans get in, and chaos surely ensues. But surely our squad of…teenagers…can save the day?!
So Eren’s missing a leg, and most of the other (albeit minor and of little value to me) characters on the team have been eaten. Yikes. Looks like maybe our only hope is-
Armin, Armin, Ar-MIN!!!
Armin, you’re adorable, but holy shit you are about as useless as Shinji!!!
Yeah so a Titan that looks like balding grey Santa Claus comes along and Armin does NOTHING to save himself as he gets put in it’s mouth.
Luckily, Eren is here to save the day!!! He pulls Armin out at the expense of being stuck in the mouth himself. Now come on Armin-chan, you know you can do it, you know you can! This is your best friend!
Uh…now is maybe a good time to-
So…uh…yeah. That’s Eren dead. Our main character, kicked the barrel. Passed on. Yup…
(I know the outcome of this from reading the manga but I’m trying to recall my reaction first time around)
And you know what, dear deceased Eren?
Fat lot of good that logic did you, huh?
Well, everyone-manga-reader or not-has been reacting to this in much the same way, what the hell just happened? Episode 6 could end up the most watched yet. I’m certainly going to be one of those watchers.
So yeah. That’s it.